This morning I saw a magpie and, without thinking, saluted it. "Good morning Mr Magpie!"

Then another magpie appeared from behind a tree trunk and I realised they were a pair. And I attempted to de-salute the first magpie. But it's tricky. How does one do this? It's obviously some kind of uninstall procedure. But do you say the words backwards? Or do you explain in depth to the magpie that you are taking back your greeting? Or do you let the greeting stand?

Trouble was, I wasn't wearing my glasses. As I got closer I realised they weren't magpies but rooks.

Action points: Attempt to access rational brain. Get eyes tested.